God forbid you ever experience divorce but if you do, read Split by Suzanne Finnamore.
No clichés, no self-help.
Most painful memories and experiences, bathed in wit.

Not your mother trying to comfort you.
Not your neighbor trying to sign you up for yoga.
A bucket of fried chicken sitting comfortably on your lap.

“There are so many marriage ceremonies, there ought to be one for divorce. Instead of rice, people could throw fistfuls of cash and light hallucinogens.”

-Suzanne Finnamore

A couple nights ago, tired and weary, I got in the bathtub with a book.
Cien años de soledad. 100 years of solitude.

It had been months since a book made me laugh out loud.
I have been reading really bad books lately, frankly awful books.

The first 3 sentences of 100 years of solitude are perfect.
The translation doesn’t do justice to the original (does it ever?), so here you have both of them.

“Muchos años después, frente al pelotón de fusilamiento el coronel Aureliano Buendía había de recordar aquella tarde remota en que su padre lo llevó a conocer el hielo. Macondo era entonces una aldea de veinte casas de barro y cañabrava construidas a la orilla de un río de aguas diáfanas que se precipitaban por un lecho de piedras pulidas, blancas y enormes como huevos prehistóricos. El mundo era tan reciente, que muchas cosas carecían de nombre, y para mencionarlas había que señalarlas con el dedo.”

“Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. At that time Macondo was a village of twenty adobe houses, built on the bank of a river of clear water that ran along a bed of polished stones, which were white and enormous, like prehistoric eggs. The world was so recent that many things lacked names, and in order to indicate them it was necessary to point.”

So SO lovely!
I plan on reading the weekend away.

This is one of my favorite songs.

IF YOU WERE AT LEAST 10 YEARS OLD DURING THE 80s, WATCH THIS VIDEO:

And you exploded into my heart…literally.
If I ever find myself on an empty street late at night, I’m gonna do the dance the lady in green does during the last minute of the video.

IF YOU WERE BORN IN THE 80s OR THE 90s, WATCH THIS VIDEO (If you choose the one above, I’m not responsible for what it might do to your psyche):

A love-struck Romeo sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made.
Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like “you and me babe, how about it?”

Juliet says “hey, it’s Romeo; you nearly gave me a heart attack!”
He’s underneath the window she’s singing “hey la, my boyfriend’s back”.
You shouldn’t come around here singing up to people like that…
Anyway what you gonna do about it?”

Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
and I bet and you exploded into my heart
and I forget I forget the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

Come up on different streets, both the streets of shame.
Both dirty, both mean, yes in the dream it was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real.
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?

When you can fall for chains of silver,
You can fall for chains of gold,
You can fall for pretty strangers,
And the promises they hold.
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin, yeah!
Now you just say “oh Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him".

Juliet, when we made love you used to cry.
You said “I love you like the stars above, I’ll love you ’til I die".
There’s a place for us, in all the movie songs.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

I can’t do the talks, like the talk on the TV
And I can’t do a love song, like the way it’s meant to be.
I can’t do everything, but I’ll do anything for you,
I can’t do anything, except be in love with you!
And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be,
All I do is keep the beat, the band company.
Now all I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme,
Juliet, I’d do the stars with you any time!

The house is for sale.

Do you remember when we moved in?
Rainy Halloween.
Green paint, wooden floors.
Homemade oreos cooling on the kitchen counter.
Our nieces on the floor, wrestling the cat for its food.

We lived in the house on the edge of town, but we don’t live there anymore.

There’s a FOR SALE sign, so we’ll pack and leave nothing behind.

That is what you’re supposed to do when a house is for sale.

I’ve been playing with these puppies.

Their owner assures me they’re worth the price he’s asking, but all I have seen them do is pee, poop and whine.
For the price he’s asking, I would like to see them puppies researching a cure for cancer.
Yeah, I said them puppies.
I guess I’m talking street now.

And while on the street, I have found some yummy desserts.
Nate was telling me about Dick Clark and some Bandstand and we ended up at his grill (Dick’s, not Nate’s).
After the mediocre meal, the waitress sold us on the apple pie a la mode.
Nate and I thought she’d bring something like this:

A little slice.
A scoop of ice cream.
We’re simple people.

The waitress brought this instead:

We did our best to eat it up, but we failed.
We agreed the next time we eat there, we’re asking solely for the pie and eating all of it.
It’s too good to waste.

Also, if you ever go to the Claim Jumper, get the Brûlée Flight.
It’s a Trio of Green Tea and Ginger Brûlée, Lemon Amaretto Brûlée, and Mocha Dark Chocolate Brûlée.

I thought about licking the bowls when I couldn’t get any more with my spoon.
I shared my thought with Nate and he laughed.
Yeah, he’s the one for me.

Now I’m aware some people wouldn’t consider steak a dessert per se, but eating at The Keg would change their minds.
If at all possible, get the filet mignon and a waitress named Grace.
You’ll have a great night.

Our tummies were full, but I’ll spare you that sight.
Here are our faces instead.